Patriots Form Armed ‘Voluntary Watches’ To Patrol Streets Around Schools

True Americans in conservative groups on Facebook are talking about taking action and making sure our kids are as safe as they can be at school by patrolling the surrounding area. Sgt. Major Marc McPhearson of the 103rd Michigan Militia says he’s been working with OathKeepers and III%ers for a week on getting together to make sure if shots are fired, a dozen armed men are ready to bust in with deadly force from every conceivable angle.

The plan of attack will be the same for every school in America. McPhearson explains:

“You have a dozen men armed with scoped sportsman rifles like the AR-15. I mean, there are a couple few dozen other guns they could use but we’ll just go with that one cuz it’s what folks know. We’d take up sniper positions from all available angles and keep an eye on the kids.

If a live shooter entered the school we could respond and be shooting in his direction from 12 different angles within seconds. Bam. Good guys win.”

Some liberals tried to point out flaws in the plan, like 12 guns in the halls of a school creating crossfire against an unknown target. They say things like “you’re just creating chaos” or “when trained professionals get there they won’t know who is on their side, stupid.” That’s because they haven’t read the 2nd Amendment. A well-regulated militia will know.

One of the locals who signed up is 49-year-old Darren Mills, who despite the fact that he has no children of his own says he’s willing to volunteer his military experience to help the community:

“I’m the perfect candidate for this kind of job. Doc says the noises that cause my flashbacks will probably never happen in a school unless someone drops a book or something. Marc Mac says I can roost up in the press box of the football field with my scope. I reckon the cheerleaders will be a hot target.

I ain’t looking forward to killing nobody, but if someone comes at one of those kids like that Hadji in Iraq that ambushed Mush Dog and Lucas G., Ima put a .762 round right where Allah don’t shine.”

After talking with Mills’ doctor, our experts determined that there was less than a 4 percent chance that Mills could snap and start firing into the school like it was a residential apartment building in an enemy-controlled city. Those are pretty good odds if you consider what the poor guy has been through. Helping the kids will be really good for him.

We’ve been assured that there are Patriots like Mills and MacPhearson all over America ready to keep our children safe. So…if you see armed men hanging around aiming their sporting rifles at your child’s school…don’t be alarmed. The good guys with guns are on the job.

About Flagg Eagleton 68 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.