BREAKING: New Agenda For GOP Unveiled At CPAC

After President Trump addressed CPAC today, he instructed his office to unveil his new strategic plan as head of the Republican party. White House Director of Information and Propaganda, Art Tubolls, told Politicum:

“We’ve witnessed a mass exodus of ‘traditional’ Republicans who were well-aware that these changes were coming. While Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell and the rest of them wander off to pasture hoping for a Presidential run someday, we’re putting good men like that Nehlan guy and Roy Moore on the menu.

The President’s new stance on the GOP is simple: we are the right. We will tell the truth and be the right. Guns are good, abortion is bad. Black people whine too much and need to get jobs. Poor people need to help themselves more. Illegals should be caged and released into the wild of their own shithole countries.

President Trump says he’s tired of holding back. Up to now he’s been calm and polite. We’ll see what happens in the weeks to come.”

The RNC has been informed to revamp their entire platform to fall in line with the Freedom Caucus, which was the original staging point for the Tea Party. Tubolls said there are far more low-information voters who will blindly follow their rage and fear in America than there are intelligent people who will check sources:

“If you went to the tallest building in town and shouted from the rooftop that Obama was a Secret Muslim, about a third of the crowd will turn around immediately and cheer for you. After seeing that the behavior is allowed and encouraged, another third will join in.

Now you have 2/3rds of America on your side. Is it true? It doesn’t matter; he or she with the most votes wins, right?”

That’s for sure. After they took away those 3 million illegal votes, Trump won by a landslide. Once the new agenda kicks in, there won’t be any more illegals and mandatory minimums for people who do drugs or violence in an inner-city hood will be stiffened. There will be more cops on the streets and volunteer armed patrols in our schools.

If the Democrats in the cities don’t like it and want to keep their crime and murder sprees, they can be locked down at night and monitored during the day. The President is willing to do anything in the name of law and order. And, of course…freedom.


About Flagg Eagleton 68 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.