BREAKING: Forensic Scientists Just Proved Hillary Clinton Is Guilty

If you’ve never heard of the Biblical Eden Research Project, it’s because liberals and the modern “scientific community” tend to laugh it off as “junk science.” The unconventional methods used by the group of scholars, archeologists, linguists and astrologists to uncover definitive proof of the existence of biblical events are often scoffed at by conventional science.

The group announced in 2011 that it had found bone fragments linked directly to the garden of Eden. A man and a woman, born with no belly buttons, molded from the earth and taken from a rib, provided us with the proof we needed that the bible is the truth, the Earth is 6000 years old and liberals can suck it:

“Those fragments have returned some interesting results. Not only were we able to trace the DNA to modern ancestors; we were able to determine that these people walked the Earth more than once.

The man we know as Adam, for example, returned to Earth to be several people in service to his lord, including several Popes and John the Baptist during the time of Christ.

The woman, on the same token, who was responsible for original sin, also returned. Her reincarnations include Marie Antoinette, Lizzie Borden and in modern history, confirmed just this morning, Hillary Clinton.”

Well…there you have it. Hillary Clinton isn’t just personally responsible for Benghazi, deadly emails full of Ebola and the murders of 300 people. Science has just proven that she’s responsible for all sin, from the first on down the line.

Leave it to a nasty woman. No wonder Kane was such a prick.

About Flagg Eagleton 68 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.